“You cannot set standards of which you do not meet individually”
If you asked me a few years back what I wanted in a man, I’d probably give you a very long list. A few years back, my ideal man, would have been God-fearing (this has always been there, coming from a God-fearing background and probably the most reasonable quality in my list back then), I wanted a rich and stable man and this was to be determined by whether or not he drove and what type of car he drove, where he lives, tall and handsome, probably the Idris Elba type of handsome, business oriented, and trust me I’d care not about how old you were, these things just had to be there and the list went on and on to things which I look back at and wonder how and why I even desired such.
Growing and maturing, made me look back and analyze these things. Let’s take all the points one step at a time.
- God-fearing: Aside from myself, So many men and women look for a God-fearing partner but they are not God-fearing themselves in hope that this partner will lead the family in an upright manner. This mostly for men. Men who seek God-fearing partners because they believe that these are the women, who’d create a “homely” atmosphere or rather a raise the kids in the “upright” manner. Forgetting that creating a “homely” atmosphere or bringing up kids is not a one-party affair but a joint effort. Do you think that, that God-fearing lady/man is looking for a non-God-fearing partner?
- Rich and Stable: When I look back and analyze my own situation back then, and where I was at, I realize that I was nowhere close to rich and stable. Some people seek partners for a financial breakthrough, such that they do not necessarily need to work to earn their money, all they need is turn to someone else, who has toiled to earn their money and be a beneficiary of their effort. Can I even drive for starters, before I start requiring someone else’s son to be able to drive or even own a car?
- Tall and handsome: This one is a bit hard to speak on because the physical can always be altered but let’s be real, Idris Elba has probably taken care of himself to look the way he looks, and stay desirable. Now here I am, probably not looking at what I eat, or taking care of my skin as I should, not dressing appropriately or desirably, basically not putting in an effort for my beauty or looks, yet I desire to be noticed by someone who does the most! It doesn’t work like that.
A boss attracts a boss. In this generation and even before you realize that like minds attract. It is not wrong to set standards, but are these standards realistic in regard to who you are? Do you meet these standards that you set?
Maybe you don’t meet all, but are there other character traits that can balance out where you fall short? These are the questions so many of us fail to ask ourselves whenever we pull out our long list of requirements which we expect potential partners to fulfill.
The individual you are setting standards for probably also has his/her own standards of which he/she expects of you, have you thought about that?
Do not waste time chasing unrealistic dreams and start working on what you can bring to the table. Think about what you can offer before thinking about what you can receive. Maybe this way, you will get the right partner because there will be fulfillment on both sides.
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VICTORIA NKATHA – RESPONDING TO LIFE
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Responding To Life.