“Communication kills Assumptions”
It’s been a while we’ve written a blog post and so many things have happened. Especially with COVID-19. Now more than ever, I feel we need to be each other’s keepers and Respond To Life. We’ve talked about communication on several occasions. So many of us become dissatisfied with so many things in our life and instead of speaking out, we sit back and assume things and situations.
What is so hard about talking? Expressing one’s feelings, expressing one’s emotions?
This doesn’t only count in regard to relationships but in all other aspects of our lives. In our jobs, academics, spirituality, and most importantly our mental health. Women tend to be good at speaking but (correct me if I’m wrong), we’re not too good at communicating especially in relaxed and logical ways. I can relate to this, as it has been one of my greatest weaknesses.
I have for some time, been asking and talking to people, as well as assessing my own situations to understand why it’s so hard to communicate.
- Not feeling relevant: Far too often, we feel as if we either are not relevant enough to communicate or else what we want to say, if not in our place to say. I’ve personally experienced that, in certain situations especially with friends and in my workplace, I haven’t had the right relevance to communicate when things are not going well and/or how I feel about a certain situation or certain actions being taken at work.
- Ego and pride: This is more evident in relationships, friendships, and family as well. Some individuals feel as if speaking puts them in a position of vulnerability and some times weakness. Some people don’t want to seem bothered/hurt about the things others may do to them, or certain situations while in the end, this makes things more complicated than they should be. Reactions may occur as emotions are being blocked, and the power of expression is left to one’s actions which may not be pleasant in the short-run. This may, as a result, affect the long-term relationship.
- Toxic masculinity: This goes hand in hand with the ego. Most men also see communication as a woman thing. More because communication also entails expressing how you feel about something, someone or a situation and this is about being in touch with your emotions. Being emotional and being a man is often seen as opposites (Whoever made us believe this, probably lied to us).
- Fear of not being heard, understood, and being shut down: Sometimes we build assumptions in our heads of how people may react to what we say. At times, we are right and the people around us can be quite difficult but why should it be to the extent of building fear within us? Keep people who make you feel like this at a distance! Keep people around you who you can communicate with.
- Fear of disapproval and not being liked: There are so many people who keep their feelings, opinions, and pain within themselves because they fear being left, being disliked and not having the approval they so seek from individuals! Hence I insist on loving oneself more than anyone or anything else! I can relate more to this because the inferiority complex made me seek a lot of validation from individuals and made me compromise on my stand.
Over time, I’ve learned how to express what I need to express essentially. Don’t get me wrong, speaking your mind in no way means being rude or disregarding towards other people’s feelings or opinions!
Communication should be done in a proper, respectful and understanding manner! Make people understand who you are, what you stand for, what hurts you, what you like, what you disapprove of, in a respectable manner! Men, you can speak! Speak out and let your voice be heard! Last but not least, we also need to listen! Listen and let those who are trying to communicate to us do so effectively and fearlessly.
Don’t compromise in ways that will affect your well-being! Let’s all work towards being the best versions of ourselves as we help all those around us!
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VICTORIA NKATHA – RESPONDING TO LIFE
From us, with love,
Responding To Life.