Yes, you read the title right.
Today’s topic won’t be too long but straight to the point. We’ll talk about the haters we want so bad that we create them in our heads.
I’ve seen too many people get into conflict with friends and family members and label them as “haters”. Simply because you do not agree with someone, and you don’t want to be corrected, doesn’t mean that they’re hating on you.
I knew an individual once who always got into conflicts especially because this particular person always believed they were right and that they were the best. They often were rude to people all in the name of “being real”. Anyone who disagreed, disapproved, or even corrected them would be an enemy. They’d cause unnecessary drama and post all about the “haters” in their life, the “toxic” people in their life.
I stand corrected but, in my opinion, these two words are tossed around way too much especially in our generation.
Insecurities have us constantly watching our backs and ready to retaliate at the slightest opposition. Constructive criticism is a thing of the past and most of us only want to feed on compliments and praises yet that is what destroys us even more. Some of us can’t keep jobs, relationships, friends, or even family members simply because we keep tagging people as “toxic” and as “haters”.We’ve become individuals who don’t want to hear that we’re moving mad because we are ready to fight all in the name of “only God can judge me”. Before we even dissect this, remember, what you direct your attention to and what you feed, is what grows. Some of us feed our imaginary haters and toxic/fake people so much that our lives have become full of toxicity, hatred, and fakeness.
To be quite honest, we have slowly lost the true meaning of being and living. If all we acknowledge is applause then we have a long way to go on the path of self-love and appreciation. An individual who listens to others, whether compliments or correction (or even the actual hate) is an individual always ready to make themselves better. You love yourself by focusing on the small details that feed to your growth, not the negativity. You don’t need to take in everything, but trashing everything is a huge sign of weakness (I SAID WHAT I SAID!)
Let’s shift gears a bit and move to the individuals who don’t even have people criticizing or correcting them but constantly feel that everything is about them. A friend was telling me a story about how someone wrote them a whole PDF file on their Instagram messages about a post they had put on their story. My friend innocently posted and this individual was the last person on his mind. The individual went on to ask why he was hating, went to the extent of asking who he thought he was, and even warned him from posting such (and I quote) “nonsense” again. He was rudely requested that if he had anything to say, he should say it directly. My friend then asked me what he did wrong, I simply answered “If the shoe fits, let them wear it”. I went back to see what had caused so much bile, but indeed, it wasn’t that deep. Just an innocent quote that he related to at that moment. To make matters worse, they weren’t even close. The world has over 7billion people who think differently and about so many different things and people! If we were to make everything (especially everything bad) about us, then we’ll end up carrying such heavy loads within us. It is not all about you!
I thought about this situation for a while and reflected on my own encounters. Far too often, individuals feel attacked not because there is anything wrong with what you do or say, but because they are battling so much within them, (most of the time, subconsciously) that their battles become physical and directed to the outside world. The haters are within them not without. The only way to help them is to understand and show kindness, love and compassion. I learned how to understand, how to tolerate, and how to show kindness and love. We’re in this world to make something good of ourselves and those around us! Spread love, not hate, and certainly not imaginary hate.
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VICTORIA NKATHA – RESPONDING TO LIFE
From us, with love,
Responding To Life.